Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Downward spiral

As the month ends, it's clear my insomnia is back. I tried brushing it off, and blaming stress, specifically triggered episodes, but now I know better.
And the paranoid thoughts are becoming more constant, more hurting and harder to distinguish from reality
I spent 99% of my energy yesterday cleaning just one room, that was 20 minutes, tops! The other 1% was spent trying not to go back to bed. After an hour, it was spent. So I slept. I made myself wake up, because my roommate came home, and I was ashamed of her seeing me like that. Then I had some more energy, so I decided to go buy things I needed and had been pushing back. Forgot the ink cartridge, and didn't know the number, so that was a wasted trip. And made me not at home when you went by. So I tried to sleep. After 3 am I gave up. But today was the same. I just feel like letting go. Giving up. I had a quick thought of crashing my car, good thing it was just a second and it passed.
I feel lost.

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