Thursday, November 09, 2017


Work can be great. You can love it, but you can hate it. Either way, we need it.
sometimes its not just a way of earning money, or doing what you love, sometimes, your life becomes your work, and work an escape from reality. No stressing over anything but work. No cleaning, no cooking, just work. And your mind kind of takes a break from everything else. So doing extra hours becomes just some extra time off from you.
and when you get home?
You feel lost.

Sunday, November 05, 2017

One in every two

Today is one of those days when everything feels harder
just eating kills any energy i had left
getting something done its an acomplishment in its own
something not basic? A big win
ive felt lost
everyday just passes by
i dont feel im accomplishing anything
im greatfull for work and class, i cant think of anything there, im completly distracted, and my head cant wander off
then, im empty
i stop being
im gone
i just wait for the day to be over and the next begins
ive got one joy and i feel im failing them
so what kept me going, makes me wonder if there is something better for them?
could i find peopke to take care of them better than me?
can they love them as much as i do?
can they be happy without me?
im lost
i cant see the light
i cant find the road back home
i just go darker and darker

Sunday, July 30, 2017

A bad week

Sometimes you have a bad day, sometimes a bad week. A month and year also, but im still holding hopefull. And its a bad, bad ending for this week. Weakness takes over, i cant seem to move.
Keeping one hand above water and trying to catch something to pull myself up.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

How to not relax on your day off

Half a day, to be more precise. (And gadamit now I'm stressing over the title). Aaaanyways! Got myself half a day off. I didn't have to cover a shift since on mondays a have class. But oh and behold! They actually respect long weekends at my class, so I got to stay home. After thinking for a week what I was going to do, some unexpected news made me re-think everything on Thursday. If you have anxiety and OCD, this can ruin everything. Basically because it will make you re-do your plans, and ends up with over thinking and stressing way waaaaay too much. Finally ended doing the bit of shopping I needed the day before, and took the last minute decision to go buy plants, which I've been wanting to do for over a month. I also decided to clean and make the most of the day; cook, clean, wash, exercise....And this is what happened. After eating and cleaning the dog area, I decided to do some gardening. By the time I was done, and this took only an hour, my legs hurt and I had already been over my to-do list so many times I felt exhausted. What this does to me is, basically, drain all my strength by just thinking to much, the same crap, over and over again. I end up doing nothing, and feeling tired. By the time I go to bed I'm drained and feel extremely guilty for not being able to finish everything I needed to do, and everything I wanted to do. I also tire of thinking I make up excuses, until I feel sore muscles and a headache for not letting anything go. I'm tired, even tho it was a little more relaxed week and weekend that the last 6 I've had.