Sunday, February 25, 2018

French class

So I started French this week. It took all my efforts not to curl in a ball and cry when I went to register (tried doing it as simple as possible, ended up doing three stupid trips), but I enrolled and started on Monday. First day, some what ok (teacher needs a teaching class, but I think second day went a bit better). So today we went over numbers, not the whole class, just part of it. And at the end, the teacher did a girls vs boys who could write the numbers faster and correct (obvs). If you suffer anxiety, this sounds like hell! I saw myself tripping, getting all of them wrong, and so on, I was sweating by the time we started (about 20 seconds). And then comes the part where my competitive side comes out and I almost shout at the guy trying to beat me "yeah bitch!" Fortunately I caught myself in time and stopped at "yeah...!" Arms out, triumphant, and two guys asking why are you so intense? Like, wtf? It's a competition!!! And I'm not having an anxiety attack! I'll kick your asses!!!! And then one guy did have a mild attack and I felt bad for him but was to pumped to stop and try to help, cus we were winning. Yes, I suck sometimes. But I won! I mean, we won!!! So there!!
I did end up looking expectedly at the teacher waiting for her to say: and the overall winner is....but she didn't, and I was a little disappointed because she had a Reese's kisses on her table and really was hoping that that was the price, but I went out for tacos afterwards and didn't give myself acid reflux, so I'm counting that as my price, and a double win!
The look on the teacher did seem like she realized what a bad exercise that was (I wasn't the only girl getting overly competitive, and we bonded over that, at least in my head, so I'm counting it). Let's see if we get to do that again! But with chocolate please! Make me want it even more!!!!
Oh! And kudos to me for resisting the urge to grab all the markers, throw all but one, and scream: how you gonna write now bitch?! I did not do that!!!!!

When you are reminded of how alone you are

Im usually good at ignoring being alone (living alone, i do have friends and family, which i keep at arms lenght but thats another thing), but today it made me cry. It a stupi (not so much) fall. ‘Cus im super agile, i got my foot stuck when it was up, and took the step, falling and hiting the floor with my knees, then my first foot came loose from where it was stuck, hitting the floor with my ankle (dont know the name in english, but external “maleolo”, there, thats its name in spanish). So that made me cry of pain, and afterwardsi started crying because im alone and no one would of known, if my head had hitting something hard and not the bed. Now im in pain, and gladly ignoring how alone and sad i now feel by binge watching series on netflix. O yeah and after some hours, this is the only place i can think of to vent. I thought of facebook, nope, instagram and a pic of my knee? Nope, only cute pics there right?, twiter? Good optionbut people do answer and i do have some friends in there, so nope. Here, havent gotten a response that wasnt spam in a long time, so i think we are good.
i vent here, i take out of my head, and i feel a bit better.

Thursday, February 15, 2018

Forgoten

How quick to say goodbye when other eyes can fill your own
How easy to forget if a warm body is next to you
Still cant make out why would you even start what once was our love, if there was no reason to pursue it
I keep thinking it was fun for you, or maybe just a second of missing what it was
But still my heart was played to think to dream
A double curse, how easy i forget
How fast i let go of the hurt of the pain and start dreaming again
another warning then, to my heart, to my brain
be aware
dont trust
dont dream