Emotions

Having a ruff month. Hell, over a month. And as one does, trying to coup. (Hahaha kidding not doing well). Was just thinking, cus ive been watching too much youtube, how do men coup? (Is that a word?) ive done horrible. Cant stop crying at random times, fortunately (hate this doesnt have autocorrect), its stopped during the day, and i just get undone during the night. But, do they feel soo bad? Do they cry like this? Does it hurt as bad?
im trying to deal with the death of my best friend. Im a mess. Alcohol seems to help sleep and numb everything. But just watching random videos, i got curios. Does it hurt as bad and guys just hide it better? Or its the same throw your life away type of thing?