Sunday, October 30, 2016

How can I forget??

I've just watched a tv show, and it has one of those eye opening moments (yes, I know, it's sad....wait till I tell you what show!!!) so I was watching crazy ex-girlfriend, and between all the weird stuff, it had one moment. And I felt bad. Why? Well, the girl got told something on the line of you deserve to be with someone that treats you good. And I felt bad. For me. I did a quick look at what the episode was about, and basically, that's me. It sounds bad, so let me get things clear: no, I'm not a crazy ex-girlfriend (weeeeellllll we've all acted a bit crazy once in a while im a right?? No? Just me? Ok then...) on track again please! So the girl finally got the guy, or so she thought. He basically says yes and then no (the reason has nothing to do with my case, cus she actually is, the crazy ex-girlfriend), but in my case, and maybe some of you, you get the boy after he tries and tries, and makes you fall in love and all is good. Then something changes. Usually between the first 4-6 months. I'm actually making this longer than I intended, so i will not go on about brain chemistry and love and crap like that. This was the point: I try. I try, i fall in love, I give, and the worst part is I don't ask in return. I just take what I get and bare and wait and hope I will feel loved.
And that's what hurt. I do deserve someone that treats me right. I do deserve to feel loved! I deserve a hug without having to ask for it. I deserve to go to bed with a smile in my face because someone cares about me and wants the whole world to know!!!
instead, I go to bed mad or sad. And that's not fair. I have felt guilty after finally speaking in my behalf and why I feel abandoned, unappreciated and completely unloved!
So i have to forget!
i have to let go!
i have to stop from falling for you when you finally throw me the smallest gesture, and I have, most definitely, have to start healing from you!

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