I am sorry

You came with the best intentions, and im soo sorry i had to say no.
Ive been dealing (not really), with the death of my dog. My best friend.
And one of my best friends came today and gave me her grabdpup she loves the most.
i couldnt handle it. I told her most of what i felt; im not emotionatly stable to love another dog, also working on me (not going well), and taking care of my other dogs. That means expensive food for three dogs and a cat. Ive spent over 2000 dlls on my dogs in the last year. I cant hande another dog.
But what i didnt tell her, what i was scared to say, looking into those beautiful eyes (dog has best crazy eyes ever), was that i was, am, scared of resenting the pup, treatening him badly, because i would feel guilty.
im a wreck.
im depressed.
im drinking.
im soo sorry! Im scared shell resent me.
im soo scared.